Tag Archives: text

The “Dic-Pic” Incident.

18 Sep

I work at a very large, notoriously obnoxious clothing store in downtown Portland.  Most days when I’m clocking off I’m angry, stressed, exhausted, and pretty neurotic.  On this particular day, I was extra-frustrated with my co-workers and customers and was practically running out the door to go home.  As I was clocking out, I checked my phone to see if anyone had called.  That’s when I saw it:

You should be thankful this is censored.

a big, fat picture text of someone’s cock.  Most definitely a stranger’s cock, as I surely did not recognize it. Sent from a 559 area code, I didn’t have the number in my phone and had NO idea who or more importantly why this dick was sent to me.

The picture was strange: a quite unattractive erect penis with copious amounts of pubic hair.  The background was what appeared to be a female’s or even a child’s bedroom.  I couldn’t wrap my mind around it!  What deranged individual was sitting around some female’s house at 4pm and thought “Hmmmm….I bet Christine would really like to see a picture of my dick”?  It wasn’t even sent during the classic ‘drunk text’ time of the night.  And let’s say it was an accident?  So some guy is just picture-texting randomly punched in numbers?  Maybe in some dank bar in Fresno my number is scrawled on a bathroom wall along with the phrase “really likes to see pictures of wieners”.  Who knows?

After the shock and horror of having a strange penis forced in my eye-holes, I became angry.  Really angry.  I wanted to know who the hell sent that.  It was like a big, disgusting, hairy cherry on top of my already shit day.  I texted the number (and the picture) to my friends in Fresno to see if they knew the number: no dice.  I called the number from my work phone to see if they would answer or if they had a personal voice mail:  no on both.  I decided to kick it up a notch.  I put the phone number and exactly what they’d done on Facebook in hopes someone out there would know the person.  I even offered to forward the picture to anyone who happened to want to see it.  Still no answers on the identity.  I texted the number and let them know that I did not enjoy the picture, but about 6 of my gay guy-friends did:  no response.  Some of my friends began calling the number and texting it.  The rage continued.

Ross began calling the number pretty much non-stop.  Call, hang up, call, hang up, etc.   Finally at about 9pm, a guy answered.  He begged Ross to stop calling or else he’d have to get a new number.  The guy claimed to not know a thing about the picture-text nor whom I was.  Yeah right asshole.

My rage continues.  I would put the phone number here, but alas it has been changed.  To this day, the mystery remains.  Who was this anonymous cock-bandit and what were his motives?  For the record, pictures of penises do NOT cheer me up after a long and hard day’s work (pun intended).